Metamorphosis

GreenCornSeedlings_pushedFriday is last my last official day of work. The new producer who has taken my position has been in the mix for about four weeks now. He’s pretty well up to speed and my work load has been decreasing steadily. I used to wake up each day to dozens of unread emails with a slate of meetings, deadlines and conference calls sitting on my head. Now, the only messages I find in the morning are missives from Groupon and Flavorpill. I should be thrilled right?  This is exactly what I wanted: to be less wired, less stressed, less in demand, more present. The problem is, I am a recovering workaholic who is now facing moments in her day with “nothing” to do.

P1010136Of course, with Good Foot Project, I have a million things to do, but still I feel afloat. It’s as if the most basic tools I use to interface with life are shifting. My brain is trained to rifle through a laundry list of things to be addressed, constantly ordering and reordering, ordering and reordering according to what disaster needs to be averted first. I still have a To Do list, but there are no crises on it and my heart isn’t fluttering with soft panic about some detail going awry.

I am also caught between the drive to tackle the enormity of what we are undertaking and the urge to lay on the couch and catch up on 17 years of reading.

DSC03381I guess the ladies would call it “Transitioning”. Withdrawal is probably more accurate.

As much as I drove myself crazy trying to be perfect at my job, it made me feel good too. I managed a great team and we got a lot of wonderful work done. I knew what my talents were and what they were not. I experienced my personal power everyday – getting things right, earning gratitude and praise, making good decisions, taking responsibility for my wins and my mistakes. All of which added to my self-esteem, diminished my insecurities and allowed me to feel stronger, smarter and more capable than ever before.

Now, I am going into the unknown. I’m starting at square one and unsure if my talents will translate or what my role will be.  What does this mean?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited about the life we are creating, but I am terrified too. Are we too old for this? Are we going overboard? Shouldn’t we just stay here and try to live more sustainably? And, ultimately, who will I become?

Except for a few months of wandering the planet here and there, I have spent my entire adult life working like a mad person, trying to achieve and/or make money. Dr. Dre once called me the “busiest woman in show business”. I think it’s because when most 20-somethings in Hollywood were busy trying to hang out, I was busy trying to make sure the shoot I was managing didn’t implode. I have been paying my own bills since I was 18-years old. This independence, this core value, has, in part, defined my womanhood. Now, I am moving into a life that does not revolve around making money. Where I rely on me and my husband and my community for support. It is wonderful. I am on the verge of getting everything I have asked for…and praying for the fortitude to embrace it with grace.DSC04168

So, as I say goodbye to my former career, I want to offer some thanks. (Gratitude is a great lubricant for difficult times!) Thank you to all of the people I’ve worked for and with over the years – you have taught me so, so many lessons. Thank you to the very special women in my life who’ve knowingly or unwittingly inspired me to take this journey – more about you very soon! And thank you to JC, the best partner ever.

Good Foot Project, here I come!

About Anastasia King Jaress

Anastasia is a former media producer who hit the road to sustainability in April 2013 with her husband JC and Mattie, the dog. She writes about food, community, sustainability, travel, family and the myriad questions that boggle them.

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25 Responses to Metamorphosis

  1. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 12:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  2. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  3. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  4. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  5. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  6. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  7. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  8. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  9. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  10. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  11. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  12. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  13. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  14. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  15. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  16. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  17. Kimberly St. John February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Wow!! Thank you for writing. (And an excellent writer, you are.) I am very excited that you are starting this blog. Reading this gave me a much better understanding and clear picture of your upcoming plans. I am very excited for you guys! What a wonderful adventure this will be for your lives and for our planet.

  18. Anastasia King Jaress February 14, 2013 at 1:49 PM #

    Thanks Kimmy!

  19. Laurie February 14, 2013 at 2:20 PM #

    Hey Anastasia!! This is so awesome — I’m excited for you and secretly jealous! Sounds like a totally radical idea. Did you read John Seymour’s “The Self-Sufficient Life”? It blew our minds. So, get ready for visitors at your future retreat. 🙂 x0 Laurie G

    • Anastasia King Jaress February 14, 2013 at 2:35 PM #

      Thanks Laurie! I havent read the book but I am definitely going to get it. Thanks for the recommendation and we look forward to seeing you and the tribe very soon!

  20. Lei-Lani February 14, 2013 at 3:48 PM #

    Anastasia,

    This is just change and you are an incredibly mutable, adaptable, clever beautiful woman. There will be good times, there will be bad time, however all of these experiences will come together to form an incredible interesting life. These steps are not the first, they are part of your life cycle.

    I am in awe of your strength and determination.

    I am also very jealous.
    XO.L

  21. Shannon Ulrich Butler February 14, 2013 at 4:26 PM #

    Anastasia,

    You have honed and crafted yourself with these amazing skills to go out there and accomplish what you have your heart set on. It is transition, your workload will be challenging and your plate will be full. I cannot wait to hear of your journey to come. Best of luck to you, your husband and dog.

    Shannon

  22. Ryniee February 14, 2013 at 6:52 PM #

    Stasia- this is amazing! You always manage to express yourself with no holds barred honesty. Can’t wait to read more of your adventures ahead! Xoxoxo Ryn

  23. Michel Lynn February 14, 2013 at 8:57 PM #

    Stasia-
    I’m glad you’ve figured out that there is no rule book for life other than to work at becoming the best person you can become, and doing the most good that you can do. Even then, there will be times when you will disappoint people, including yourself. We will sometimes hurt people and other sentient beings, even if we try our best not to. You cannot get lost, because there is no destination other than old age and you don’t have to try to get there, it just happens. You cannot make a mistake because no one is keeping score and each day is a new opportunity to do something differently. You cannot loose anything, because it never really belonged to you in the first place. You were only allowed to use it for a while. There is no big boss over the other bosses, so no one is noticing whether you are “at work.” All effort is work. The only question is for what end? The worst tragedy is to be given the opportunity to experience something new and to say no. That particular opportunity will be gone for good. There is no down side to deciding to live life with joy and to share that joy with someone you love. That is the only worthwhile way to spend your time. Look forward to sharing the highlights of your journey.

  24. Anastasia King Jaress February 14, 2013 at 9:42 PM #

    Ladies – Ryn, Michel Lynn, Shannon, Laurie, LL, Kimmy,

    Thanks so much for the well wishes, sage advice and encouragement! Its exactly what i needed at such a crazy time. And once again, Deeply, from the bottom of my heart, Thank You!

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